Post #2; Music to Fight By, and My First Lay
Dear Shirley,
I’m tired of my same old play list: what makes your heart pound or gets you ready for some ass kicking? My favorite list title is “goat rope rodeo.” Use your imagination.
Question 2: what kind of car did you lose your virginity in? Just curious. We gals always remember.
Sincerely appreciate,
Toni
Thank you for the questions Toni!
You’re going to hate me if you’re into rodeo goats. You ever hear that joke where the oldtimer says he loves both kinds of music, Country and Western? I hate em both.
There’s a tear
in my beer
cuz this song
is fuckin’ queer.
When I want to get riled up and whoop ass, I play Seattle grunge. Stone Temple Pilots did a song called Plush. The lyrics are nonsense, but I made it my theme. Then there’s Pearl Jam. Nirvana. Alice in Chains.
I always wanted to meet Alice, you know? Compare notes.
If I’m not in a grunge mood, it’s Tony Bennet. (#TrueConfession. I almost had his love child. We’ll keep that humdinger for another day.)
Second question. What kind of car?
This answer’s a story.
It was a van…. Sorta.
Now I’ve said a lot of things over the years to a lot of people, but you have to understand. A hooker needs a way to make unpleasant things pleasant, so she tells herself a lot of lies. You know, the good ones that help you avoid your feelings about the truth.
Anyhow, when you’ve told yourself as many fibs as I have, you start to wonder if what you remember is real or whether it’s something you imagined along the way, that started out as a lie but felt so good! Mmm! You like the lie better. You remember it over and over, and each time he’s taller, darker, handsomer, and longer and thicker and all that juicy stuff. That teenage boy with the skinny flyrod you poked—in your memory he’s hung like Ron Jeremy.
So I’ll give you the deep dark truth, best I remember.
My first was a boy whose parents were into custom vans. They airbrushed a stallion on the side. Or a unicorn. It was a unicorn because they had the clouds, and horses don’t fly. They took it to shows and played Aldo Nova really loud.
His parents had a waterbed inside the van and after we made ramen in a hot pot plugged into the cigarette lighter, which took forever, he put in an 8 track of Paradise by the Dashboard Light. I’d rather eat meatloaf than listen to Meat Loaf, but that’s another thing altogether. In 1978 we were still several years away from having any good music to listen to.
Anyway this boy pulled my top and dropped the last ramen noodle between my boobs.
Shrimp flavor, naturally.
He started chomping like he was the Tramp and I was the Lady, and I let him eat it and, well, everything else too. But he was so lame, eventually I just told him to ram his own noodle in and get it over with. Everything was so sticky I figured out later he was done before he started, and after fifteen seconds of him trying to get what felt like more ramen in me, I took his money and said, “take me home.”
That night after he dropped me off I went into my room and bawled until the lines on my diary were splotchy. Then I got an empty bottle out of the neighbor’s trash and lost my virginity to Paul Masson.
How about all y’all out there in internet land?
What’s the first song on your ass-stomping play list, and where’d you lose your flowers?
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Hi Shirley,
I really enjoyed your answers here…you certainly have a way with words. You make me smile a lot and sometimes… laugh right out loud! I have mix CD’s for a lot of things…..walking the dogs, fishing, mowing the lawn, working on the truck, boat or lawn mowers. Fucking lawn mowers are always needing wrenching and lawns always needing mowing and it just pisses me off. What I really want to do is take my big sledge hammer and beat the shit out of em when they throw a belt or bend a blade and……..well…….. your list for fighting needs to become part of my list for working on those son of a bitch lawn mowers so…thanks for that. As for the ride that got it done…believe it or not it was an old shitty 66 Ford Econoline van but…I fixed up the inside with a great stereo 8 track and it had a big ol queen size mattress with sheets, pillows and blankets and everything. It was a memory that will never disappear into the ether…..I won’t give any other information other than that though. I was never the kiss and tell type let alone talk about all the other wonderful things that happened. You keep writin dear….cause I love to read your words!
Awww. That’s sweet. Men like you are rare. Glad you’re out there!
And by all means, destroy the lawnmowers. Ulyana says mowing grass is murder anyway.
Tell Ulyana….she planted a seed and I may have to nurture it. I got my eye on the first one that gets pounded into scrap.
You , my dear- are my spirit animal. FYI. 57 Chevy. No pay just a lay to last a lifetime… at 16 you can get imprinted. I can smell one of those cars a mile away.
You’re right Toni…funny how the senses…. sound, smell and taste can bring you back to a moment. A bittersweet imprint that lasts a lifetime.
I have many that get me prepped. I can not do the “Beer Tear” crap. It was about that time that I quit listening to even Willie and Waylon; with all the boohoo my baby left me. I was very bitter and angry at the male species in general at that time. My question to both sexes on the “beer tear..boohoo my baby left me…. WAS and always will be is “Why, why did they leave???? Were you an abusive, liar and cheater? then FU Were they abusive, lying and cheater? Better they are gone. Over the years my kids introduced me to a few of the newer singers song writers and they aren’t to bad Cody Jinks, Ward Davis, Ghoultown (Elvira is one of the songs she appears in the video)
John Anderson—Straight Tequila Night
Sarah Ross—Shotgun/ Calm Before The Storm/ Not Broken/ “Nervous Breakdown”
Ashley McBryde—Martha Devine “Martha Divine, your ass is mine And it ain’t murder if I bury you alive”
Omnia—Suck My Flute/most of theirs
virginity not lost in a car however did get caught in the back lot of community college near our house by security in the back of elcamino
Have you heard Tyler Childers—Feathered Indians / Universal Sound / Whitehouse Road / All Your’n
Worth a listen…I’m mainly a R&R guy but like all kinds of music. I’ve heard a lot of what you listed and like it!
In the 80’s it was AC/DC, but lately Mama’s Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert or Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats fill me with pleasant inspiration. And Meatloaf? That’s not for fighting, it’s for laughing and singing at the top of your lungs while you’re doing the dishes.
As for lost flowers, nope, some lovely things should be held quiet and close to the heart.